Ooh, fellow neurospicy maybe autistic person here who also works in disability and mental health, and ADHD/autism is a specific area of focus for me. I have so many thoughts.
So the are you/aren't you debate, and whether it's worth it to try and get an official diagnosis:
The advantages of getting an official diagnosis are that you could settle the question in your mind, and potentially be able to request more work accommodations. You may also be able to access more specialized care around your diagnosis, if you have that need.
The cons are that a diagnosis can affect how medical providers treat you, and it can make it more difficult/impossible to immigrate to other countries. Quite a few countries won't accept applicants if they have physical or mental diagnoses that might be a "burden" on their healthcare systems. New Zealand, I'm looking at you.
I understand your doubt about "validity" and wanting a clear answer. I will say that even if you pursue a diagnosis, there are still a lot of old school clinicians who won't diagnose autism if you're like, able to work/attend school/etc. Diagnostic tools are supposed to take personal bias out of the equation, but I read a LOT of psychological evaluations and it's clear that things are still very subjective. If you do pursue a diagnosis, look for a clinician who specializes in autism diagnosis and has experience diagnosing adults. It can also be more difficult to diagnose if you don't have people who can speak for your presentation in childhood.
An alternative to official diagnosis is to just start reframing the things you struggle with as an autistic struggle instead of whatever other way you've understood the problem in the past, and then supporting that issue from that framework. For me, I have always struggled with burnout at work, and becoming overwhelmed in social situations or in environments with too many stimuli. Grocery stores, offices, live music concerts, and classrooms are always environments that are really bad for me. I thought it was just anxiety, but when I started approaching it from the angle that I actually experience sensory overwhelm, and took steps to try and reduce/mitigate that overwhelm, that helped more than all of the CBT, SSRIs, and breathing exercises I'd tried unsuccessfully for years previously. Maintaining schedules, giving myself lots of time to rest after tiring social situations, using headphones in public, and limiting the number of "tasks" I do in one day has helped immensely. Also just giving myself permission to skip social things that are going to burn me out, like loud music concerts, has been helpful.
A book I'd recommend if you haven't read it before is "Unmasking Autism" by Dr. Devon Price. There are also some helpful workbooks for adults with autism to help identify things you struggle with and develop coping strategies for. I recently read "Self-Care for Autistic Adults" which had some good strategies.
Additionally, you may not *need* an official diagnosis in order to get accommodations at work. My info is very US-specific, so will probably vary based on your location. If you are in the US, there is a website called
AskJAN that provides a wealth of knowledge on various disabilities and examples of workplace accommodations you can ask for. If you have other documented disabilities -- like migraines, or anxiety, for example -- there are often accommodations for those that could help you. For example, asking for fluorescent light covers in your office/cubicle to reduce migraines. If it's something relatively minor that you think would be helpful you could also try approaching it informally as well if your manager is supportive, or just see if it's something you can change for yourself. As an example, I block off the first 30 minutes of my day to orient to my day, check my emails, and write up a to-do list of tasks I need to work on that day. That little bit of orientation time helps me feel more in control of my day. I make my own schedule, so that might not be an option for you, but if you do have some autonomy about how your day is scheduled, tweaking things to give yourself more orientation and processing time can be helpful.
Ultimately, I wouldn't worry too much about whether you are "really" autistic or not. The DSM diagnostic criteria is flawed and we still have surprisingly little knowledge around neurodevelopmental disorders. There's also a recent stigma around people seeking adult ADHD/autism diagnoses after learning about symptoms on tiktok, which is an entire other topic I could write an essay on. (Basic summary, there's lots of bad info on social media but also does not make someone seeking a diagnosis wrong. There's a stunning lack of access to mental health care in this country and a lot of old school clinicians who don't understand the full spectrum of how neurodiversity can present.) If you relate to an autism diagnosis, and developing supportive strategies based on that framework makes your life easier, than do that.
