evolution of sensibility

[gorzek]

I've been writing for a long time, and one thing I was thinking about is how my mentality has changed since I started. I suppose it would have to, otherwise you're being stagnant, and that's no good.
My earliest characters--two of whom are still kicking around, namely William Pearson and Robert Maxwell--are prototypical Captain Kirk types, men of action. Probably because that's what I was inundated with as a kid so that just became the obvious hero type.
I had come up with both of them before I was 20, so they've been with me a long time. I would say starting in my 30s, I started to dislike what they stood for, recognizing a lot of their aspects as toxic masculinity. I didn't want to not write about them, but I started having a very different lens about them.
This ended up coming out as a couple different approaches.
For William, in TOTALITY, his actions were shown to have generally more negative consequences. His "act first, think later" MO blows up in his face repeatedly. At the same time, I found myself liking Sasha more, as a character. She was thoughtful, troubled by the things she saw, actually felt the burden of leadership, and even if she didn't always make the right decisions, they were always made with consideration for who they would affect, rather than serving her own ego. That's what she aspires to, at least. I wouldn't say I have any "perfect" characters, as there are no perfect people. Everyone is flawed. For Sasha, as an example, her desire to please everyone and always make the best decision sometimes leads her to dangerous inaction. But that's probably better than acting rashly, damn the consequences, eh?
It's worth noting that the iteration of TOTALITY published now is the third version of it. The first was written 1999-2003 as weekly installments, called The Journeyman. (I changed the name when a TV show by that name came out, but then the show got canceled, but in any case, TOTALITY is a better name.) I attempted a rewrite in 2011 or so, but it didn't get far, I think because I wasn't quite where I needed to be, as a writer, to really handle it how I wanted. The most recent rewrite turned out much better, I think!
As for Robert Maxwell: he starred in his own Star Trek-like stories from when I was about 8, and when I was a teenager and joined an X-Men forum where people did role-playing and wrote fanfic, naturally he became my alter ego. This also meant he showed up in a lot of stories, where he got fleshed out a lot more, as a character. (His similarities to Cable were, uh, not entirely coincidental, but I like to think he has become fully distinct since then.)
I wrote him out of the shared fanfic universe of the X-Men forum... then back in... then out again. Clearly, I couldn't quit him, as a character. Then he gathered dust for a few years and I ended up starting a full rewrite of his exploits, called Shatternity, which is a name I have been far too attached to considering how silly it is. I got a lot further on that rewrite than I did the first TOTALITY rewrite, but after writing the first 3 parts (which constituted a single novel), I stalled. I think part of it was that I was still envisioning him as kind of cool, when my own sensibility was coming to regard characters like him as dangerous rogues whose selfish actions do more harm than good.
So, he sat and collected dust again. One aspect of his character is that, since he came to "our time" in the year 1988 and aged contemporaneously since then, I could "follow him" up to the present day. Based on his fictional history, he would be 84 years old, which is old enough to still be mentally sharp but definitely too old to be gallivanting around the galaxy (barring some Star Trek-level anti-aging technology, which I decided he can't have too much of.) I realized it would be a more interesting approach to have him be telling his story to someone else, reflecting on his past--and being challenged on it. So, that's where Sender Silent comes in. You should read it, by the way: https://www.sendersilent.com/
I thought it was at least a little inspired for his foil to be a zoomer. Part of that is wanting to buck the trend of shitting on younger generations (Brynn isn't stupid or naive, etc.) and she's also a good lens through which to critique his (many, many fucked-up) actions. You could say it's a little like this:

Except he's not dead (technically.)

[Aloria]

I'd not considered looking back over my characters to see trends.
Though I have been doing that edit of Playing the Hero. In a lot of ways, my writing style hasn't changed much except to mature into a more concise form. However, my voice remains the same. 
However, I have noticed that there are a lot of similarities between Reed Owen (Soulless Prince) and Vathion (PtH) in how they handle being busy and stressed out. 
When I was writing PtH, I didn't realize that I was writing out a lot of my feelings about being low key neglected as a child. I had parents, but never really felt like they actually wanted me around, given how little attention I got. I felt like an outsider because we were always moving. I didn't have any friends until 5th grade, and then I clung on too tight, driving people away. Vathion and Reed are playing that out again in my stories, and at least with Reed, I am aware of the themes I'm putting into him as I write. Vathion's edit is only going to make his issues worse. 
At the same time, though, Vathion and Reed also have quite a bit of that Macho Run Straight to Action. Though I'm not sure if it's toxic or just tragic. Reed's is definitely self-destructive. He's used to getting beaten, so throws himself between abusers and victim to take the hit, thinking that somehow this is ok. Because he's used to it. No one in his story thinks this is ok except him. But what can they do to stop him. Especially when it's them he's saving.
Vathion just thinks he's smart. So all his decisions are "pretty good" if not "perfect" and in my edit, I'm not going to change that, because that's totally how a 16yr old thinks.
Honestly, though, I think there is plenty of room for characters like Kirk, and William Pearson. Though I think you went a bit harder on William than necessary sometimes. He was trying to do his best. Even if he wasn't good at it. I never suggested dialing it back when I was editing, though, since William Fucking it Up Again was an integral part of the story. If William didn't fuck it up again, the plot wouldn't move forward. Sometimes you need to throw a hammer in the dryer.

[gorzek]

I actually did dial back some of William's excesses. In one version of the story, the corporate guy he accidentally killed on Lexin, he intentionally killed, like beat to death. An alpha reader was like "This is horrible. Instantly unlikable. I want this man to suffer now." I realized I'd gone too far and needed William to be less directly violent because there is a limit, lol. I do think I have mostly threaded the needle on him still being likable, despite being a dumbass (or perhaps because of it.)
One theme I did not intentionally develop but which just kinda happened is "men fucking things up and women cleaning up the mess" because damn, isn't that just how it is? It's probably the most explicit in TOTALITY because William literally moves on after blowing everything up and then women come behind him and have to stick around fixing it. Though I won't lay what happened to the Totality entirely at William's feet since Sasha a) wanted it and b) other people were super involved. That said, what happened to the Hegemony leadership was 100% on him! (I am being vague to avoid spoilers, obviously.)
I didn't lean too hard into it but Ava Rios clearly likes him because he is, let's face it, kind of a dopey man who is easily led around by his dick. Call it what it is. Is that respectful? No.